kiss me in heaven

skies

you - lxi
you’ve ruined my life
because all that’s in my head
is you and your smilepurple prose - lix
i don’t want to be pretentious.
i don’t want my words to be
nothing more than purple prose,
words woven together with motive,
tailored only to ensnare your heart.
but there’s something about the way i feel
when your hand lingers near mine,
something about the way i feel when
you reach into my chest and pinch
off pieces of my soul, to store in
your pocket for safekeeping.i don’t want to make it rhyme.
i don’t want my heart to be
decorated in sweet nothing,
don’t want my love to be soulless extinction.
a life spent choking on silver is worthless
if my mouth is too full to sing your praise.in the labyrinthian dance of love,
how do i know when it is too far–
do i reveal to you every hidden passage of my heart,
every secret chamber on display, greet you
in entry to the raw essence of my being?
if i don’t want to be pretentious,
do i need to fortify the fortress and
shield you from the fragments that ricochet in my mind?i don’t want to illude the truth,
i don’t want to paint our canvas with
shades of grey,
but i just don’t know–
can i choose truth or must i choose illusion?
is love masterpiece or masquerade?when we used to kiss / polaroid
i should have known that something was wrong
when the only polaroid not in our sketchbook
was the one of us kissing. you told me that
you didn’t like how you looked in it;
i think you didn’t like that you could see
your vulnerability.when we used to kiss, we captured each moment
together in snapshots, fuzzy interpretations of
soul. that’s all i have now, buried in a drawer
as though you’re nothing to me. it’s a lie,
but i wonder if it’s your truth – any part of
you that flickered with life now gone.i was just a chapter in your life, but for me
you were the book.let’s play pretend - xx
at night you fantasise (hand between
your thighs) about a time where we were better,
a time where you were mine.at night you play pretend (you pretend
that i still care) you’re in the shower sopping wet,
you touch yourself then go to bed.at night i fantasise (the screen reflections
in my eyes) – i think of you into the night,
let my dreams meet the sunrise.at night i play pretend (bury my head in
the cement of denial) because i cannot accept
that you’d be content
without me.laugh (in a sea of sadness) - lxii
i yearn for the day when you can
let down your mask, let me see
your face in its entirety. i live for every glimpse —
a cinnamon-brown eye, a pointed fang, a mole
above your lip. you live like a ghost
in its house, absent eyes don’t glow but mourn
when you ignore as i beg your return.
i yearn for the day when you
find yourself, i wait for the return of that
laugh, that sweet yelp of freedom
in your sea of sadness.

clouds

stranger-
i barely know you anymore.
you are a whisper in my ear,
a flash in a dark street at night
that vanishes as quick as it was there.you do not exist to me anymore.
whispers can be ignored,
your firefly flash of light
written off as nothing more.but god, sometimes all i can think of is-amor fati - lxxii
a heart is but a beast,
boarded-up and locked behind
bars, but god if that isn’t a beautiful
thing. if fate is that it will be destroyed,then i have a love for fate beyond
anything that could be measured.
the colours of a heart squeezed
out onto a blank canvas,shades of crimson, vermillion,
cinnamon-brown paint a story
of love and heartbreak and fate
that could not possibly beanything but gorgeous. the journey
may meet a grisly end, but the process
is a marvel that i can only meet
with awe. for you, i can learn
amor fati.graceless - lxix
our clumsy dance is
graceless as any filthy
thing that could be
whispered in my ear.
when we stumble over
each other, four left
feet fighting for
dominance, we may not
be right for each other
but fuck if this isn't
exactly what i need.
when your lips graze my
ear, i don't need to
hear your words to feel
your breath hitch when
our lips lock in battle.
tangled limbs give way
to tangled hearts and
this dance may be
graceless but it’s ours.you are probably going to break my heart (and i am definitely going to let you) - lxvi
dear god, your barbed wire tongue
is fast as any fallen star when i
make you mad. barefoot i step on
the glass you leave behind you,
you’re a rose bush and i embrace your
thorns; i can face barbed wire
if it means being scratched by you.
still– my heart pangs with every stab,
moreso with every smirk.
i wish you, with your wit sharp
and tongue sharper, were not
so enticing– i wish i had
any hope of avoiding our inevitable.
i wish i didn’t know that
you are probably going to
break my heart – and i am
definitely going to let you.kiss me in heaven - lxiii
you miss every furtive glance that i give you
over the table during lunch. too busy
laughing with our friends, you don’t look
at me in the way that i see you. my eyes
searching. ravenous.you kiss me and i know that this is too
perfect to be earthly, but god i would be
a fool to not lose myself in this dream.you prickle at the joking suggestion that
there could be anything between us, and i
know that the only kiss we will ever share is
in the heaven of my mind.

souls

-soulmate - lxix
-your hands are in my hair and
i cling to your lips, determined not
to let you gasp for air. souls pass
across tongues, and they’re the one
thing we share because i do not
have your heart. your desperate
hand meets my desperate hips
and you pull me closer, a collision
that we both know is wrong, but
i revel in it. you come undone in my
arms, and the power in my fingers,
and even though we will never
be soulmates at least we can
know each other right now.league of the militant godless
i do not have faith in your love.
how could i, when i can hardly
have faith in a god above? i watch
as you pull at the threads that bind us,
just so you can see me unravel because
you know that i will follow where you go.
everytime i dance to the rhythm of
your whims, my faith waves like a flame
(we both know that you’re the flame. i’m
nothing more than a moth dancing in
your light) but i will never break the hold
you have over me. i do not have faith
in your love, but it is not faith that binds
me to you, still too scared to stop myself
from clinging to the devil i know.not that i care - lxv
not that i care—
but your eyes are golden pools of honey
and i want nothing more than to reach into
your sockets and pick them out,
ready to be ground up and put into a jar and used to sweeten
my coffee in the same way you sweeten my soul.not that i care—
but your skin is warm and soft
and i want nothing more than to sink my teeth into
your neck and bleed you dry,
ready to give yourself to me in your entirety km go
and decorate my throat in return.not that i care—
but your lips are sweet as the cinnamon
lip balm that you flavour them with, and i want
nothing more than to kiss you, and know you as though
you could ever love me. there is nothing i desire more
than to feel you under me, and allow me to
love you.(not that i care, but)
i think i might love you.crochet - lxvii
i can’t crochet, but watching as your
nimble fingers make light work of what
you see before you, i cannot help but be amazed.
when you work the thread, weave intricate
shapes and create something from the nothing,
he is wrapped around your index finger and you
loop him around the hook, no second thought.
full control. i think about what i would like you
to do to me — i imagine those puppeteer fingers
bending me to your will as though i’m a
marionette, clay in your hands and eager
to be moulded. i imagine delicate fingers tracing
lines of desire on my skin and you binding
my heart to yours with your
delicate thread.soundtrack for the passenger's seat - lxxiii
the certainty you have in destiny
is something to marvel at. you are
in charge of it, you say, sitting in the
driver’s seat and steering your way.i am not sure of the future, but i know
i’m sure of you. in the passenger’s seat
you don’t see me but i’m there, a
background hum in the symphony
of your days (though never the melody
that captivates, never the rhythm
that moves your soul).echoes of my longing ring through in
the silences that pervade our conversation
(unspoken yearning fills the
empty spaces of my soul, a soundtrack
that i cannot escape) and still i stay
by your side in the passenger’s seat
while you keep your eyes on the road.